+stairway to my dreams+

About this year's Japanese Speech Contest...

2009-08-15T07:31:00.000-07:00

....well, I kinda won the Open Category. It's not really something I'm especially proud of as there was only me and Andy -not much of a competition, is it? Well, I was confident I had lost to him, wasn't really sad but kinda heartbroken at the same time. Well, I wasn't really aware when I did the speech. The Judges were scary -one of them just kept on staring me. I, of course stared at him back. Lol. He was the Green Suited Judge. Lol.

The prize was so cool. Loads of Japanese Decor that I can use for Hari Raya~~~yey.

Overall, I really liked how it went. Was kind of scared at first but well, whaddya know? I don't have any stage fright anymore I think. I owe it all to my lives last year but somehow, I think I never had any stage fright. I've been performing since I can remember, well, in stage things anyway.

Thanks for all the experience~~as much as I hate school, I owe it all to them. Shame on me.

...somehow I don't think my parents were that happy. Were they? I don't know. It doesn't sound as sincere as I thought it would be. Ah well, this time, I won for myself because I really wanted to win. Because I wanted to prove that I can do it.

It's been a while...

2009-05-19T22:21:00.000-07:00

Just as the title says, it HAS been a while. The thing is, I forgot this blog existed. My, my. I've been busy with some things. Just some. Well, I've been hyped enough to write about this thing, I've discovered Yuki Kajiura's weapon: KALAFINA!!!!

The group consists of three women, formerly four. They are, I believe separated into three ranges?

Wakana - alto-soprano (I guess...)
Keiko - alto-bass (mainly bass harmonies)
Hikaru - soprano
Maya - tenor-ish? (she left to study)

So yeah, all I can say is that they are AMAZING. So amazing, in fact. The magic of Kajiura-san works so well. I've always been a fan of Keiko from FictionJunctionKEIKO so...I'm thrilled that she's active in Kalafina. I wonder why they call the group Kalafina...

Anyway, I watched their lives and I have to admit that their lives OWN their recordings (sadly, yes). It's like seriously, a different sound altogether. It's wonderful too. I guess, when you watch their lives, their harmonies and also their very folksy dancing works so well you actually enjoy it so much. I can't stop watching their Oblivious and ARIA lives. It's just too good.

Btw, some of you must be wondering why I don't post anything other than long texts. It must be boring to just read. Not that I don't want to...I'm just pretty bad at making them looking presentable. lol. Bad reasoning, I know.

The song I'm listening to Day After Tomorrow's song faraway. It's a nice song, really. It's very nice and I love the chorus so much. I think the chorus just makes you feel so happy.

I believe there's something waiting for me the day after tomorrow, not tomorrow but the near future. I believe in it.

I wrote some very interesting lyrics that shadow visual-kei writing:

I shadow myself with night
and follow you around
hiding is not my thing
but our love would only mean nothing

Hehe, it's not that interesting but the other lyrics are a bit adultish. Just a bit. I just finished reading the new scanlation of Naruto involving Pain when I wrote it.

...so I called it 'Pain'.

cheers!!!

~Nathea~

Yesterday and A Song for XX...

2009-04-18T02:54:00.000-07:00

Okay, it's been a while since I updated. Well, nothing really much changed. Yesterday, I went to Miri to shop. Well, for me, not really. I only bought some things and ATE, a lot. Well, the diet just went down the drain yesterday but it's true I'm not eating much lately. I'll just eat, but not be that hungry. Something I find quite weird lately. I'm in a self-destructive state, I have to say. I think my parents are worried for my unhealthy lifestyle lately. Yes, it's unhealthy and I am sure I am slowly dying away.

Anyway, so, yesterday. This is what I did, yesterday. Firstly, I saw snakes. They were not so big, and was rather lazing around in a small, crazily weak pet cage. If you can even call it a cage. Seriously, some of them looked like they were gonna flip the covers and just...produce in the mall. I saw some very weird snakes. Some of them deadly, some just very lazy, like the two albino ones. There were some pythons...and I have to admit, they looked so eager to get out and swallow some of the small hamsters and rats...or even rabbits. Well, I was not at a petshop or zoo. It was like a small convention of animals, waiting to be bought. By some random shopper. There were some tortoises, even the alligator typed one. Well, my lil' sis would have been son excited if she were to see them but she didn't join. There were lots of hamsters and I was tempted to buy one. However, the last cute hamster we had, named Baby, sadly passed away. It was so cute. There were big tortoises and small ones (climbing atop each other, lol). One cage of...scorpions and a tarantula. Creepy much. I swear my skin was getting iffy feelings. It was like my worst nightmare come true. Deadly animals in one place, in a breakable cage. What were they thinking???

There were rabbits too. Lots of them. Very cute. But they were located next to dogs. Caged. Yeah, some four puppies. I've had enought encounters with dogs last year. ENOUGH. Urgh. Yeah. I kept on looking at the snakes. To overcome my fear. It's not really one but yeah, I was never fond of reptiles. YEAH, there were iguanas too. Those were interesting but I have to say, I am a bit weakhearted with animals. Most of them. Yes. I think I have a fear with animals. Though I do occasionally surf YouTube for some videos of sharks ripping humans apart. Morbid, yes. I once watched at night and dreamt about it. Bad idea. Stopped watching after that.

We did some random things after that and I was tempted to buy some books. Without money. Not stealing of course, just tempted to ask my dad. However, he left without me so I dropped the idea. But I was so tempted, I changed my money just so I could buy some books. And one horror dvd. And it was horrifying. I had a hard time sleeping. Great. It was great. The two books I bought were okay, not the best but okay. It's a shojo manga about Kabuki. The main character's cute. The guy, not the girl. he girl is just a normal shojo manga girl which really turned me off. A bit.

I did try Dr Tron too. Yesterday. Had a hard time sleeping because of it. It made me sleepy but it also left a weird feeling in my body. Sigh.

Anyway, about a song I find very, very relatable with what I am going through right now, it's amazingly Ayumi Hamasaki's song from her first album of the same name, 'A Song for XX'. It's a song about what she felt when she moved to Tokyo for her career. It's a song talking to herself. her strength and all that.

Here are the translations, credited to Wataru (i think):

Why am I crying?
Why am I lost?
Why did I stop?
Please tell me
When will I grow up?
How long can I stay a child?
Where have I come running from?
Where am I running to?
I had no place to live. I couldn't find one.
I don't know if I could have any hope for the future.
They always said I was a strong child.
They praised me, saying "you must be strong to not cry."
I didn't want those words at all.
So I pretended not to understand.
Why are you laughing?
Why are you by my side?
Why are you leaving me?
Please tell me.
When did you become strong?
Since when have you felt weakness?
How long must you wait for the day you understand to come?
The sun is rising. I must go soon.
I can't stay in the same place forever.
You will someday be betrayed by your trust in people.
I thought it was the same as being rejected.
At the time I didn't have that kind of strength.
I definitely knew too much.
They always said I was a strong child.
They praised me, saying "you must be strong not to cry."
The more people said things like that,the more even laughing became agony.
I was born alone. I'll go on living alone.
I thought that surely that kind of life is appropriate.

...see? That's what my feelings are right now. Kind of. Well, I feel lost and alone but I don't know wth am I doing with myself, why I'm torturing myself.

I need to write lyrics from the heart.

~Nathea~

a new discovery!

2009-04-09T04:36:00.000-07:00

Hey there! I found out some very interesting bits on how I should try and reach my goal. Well, I wanna try to enter an audition with SMEJ. I used to only wish someone would notice me but I decided if it's my dream, I should try and reach it myself! Well, I need to prepare myself, mentally, physically (oh goodness, YES!) and well, vocally. Today I am a bit sick. My voice is at its worst. At least my cold is gone now. I don't know how to actually voice this out to my parents because they're not so happy with me at the moment because I've been skipping school, a lot. Yes, I am a bad student. I just don't really like school. I don't really know why though!

Anyway, I am on a diet. Well, kinda. It's not so healthy. But it's not like I'm throwing up my food or anything. I'm limiting my food consumption, that's about it. I should really do some excercise too but I hate it. Sigh. I've been avoiding the sun too, don't know if that'll pale me out. I know there's something wrong with me recently, now, actually. However, I don't know what. Yet. I'm still looking. Looking for an answer.

Anyway (again), I've been looking up some of the SMEJ heavyweights...it's kinda scaring me. Intimidating me. Look at the list:

abingdon boys school
access
ACO
Angela Aki
Aqua Timez
Asian Kung-Fu Generation
Beat Crusaders
Boom Boom Satellites
Buckethead
Chemistry
Rina Chinen
Hajime Chitose
I Am Ghost
Depapepe
Cool Joke
K
JUNE
SAYAKA
Crystal Kay
Denki Groove
Dir en grey
Flow
Rie fu
High and Mighty Color
Ken Hirai
Mai Hoshimura
HYDE
JUDY AND MARY
Yuna Ito
I WiSH
Ikimono Gakari
Jinn
Kalafina
Miliyah Kato
Nana Kitade
L'Arc~en~Ciel
Little by Little
Harumi Tsuyuzaki(Lyrico)
Erick Marchello
Maboroshi
Seiko Matsuda
Mondo Grosso
Miyu Nagase
Mika Nakashima
OBI
Tamio Okuda
Orange Range
ORESKABAND
Polysics
Porno Graffitti
Puffy
Rize
Rythem
SCANDAL
Soul'd Out
Soulhead
Sowelu
Stephanie
SunSet Swish
T.M.Revolution
Nami Tamaki
The Brilliant Green
TiA
Tommy february6
Tommy heavenly6
UVERworld
Yellow Generation
Yoshida Brothers
Younha
YUI
ZONE
Nobodyknows+
Home Made Kazoku

*list taken from Wikipedia. Click on the links if you want.

...so, scary isn't it? I mean, they boast some of my most favoured artists! Pity Hikki's not on this label but...heavy, heavy people! Look! Look! Sigh, some people I look up to too!

...wait, is that Tamaki Nami?! Um...err. I have to say, I don't really like her. Well, her voice, her image...the fact that she kissed Koyama Keiichiro. Sigh. Big, big sigh.

But really, if I don't try, I won't know right? I know I'm very much a beginner, my voice control really sucks...I have no training. I'm fat. Sigh. I thought Leah Dizon was in SMEJ too! Sigh, there goes my chances of speaking English with her.

Maybe I should try out with Victor Entertainment too. Definitely not Avex Trax though. Not that I don't want to but my chances are slimmer there. I don't like overpromoting artists too. Hmm, Emi Japan would be...too scary too. However, if I really wanna sing, I should try them all out. Who knows to which group I'll belong? Yes, I dream a lot but sometimes they become true. My dejavu is too accurate. Lol. I had one today too.

Plus, I master (mastering Japanese anyway) around three languages. Not that it'd help but yeah, nobody's heard of my country much but we help supply energy to Japan. That works much. LOL.

Will blog again soon!

~Nathea~

a new resolution ~ v( ^-^ )v ~

2009-04-08T06:39:00.000-07:00

I decided to make another blog to blog about the steps I am taking to be a new person. In my other blog, I felt I was too random and too negative. I know we as humans cannot change so fast like a robot programmed but I know, if I decide to make small changes, I will change. I was born a negative person but that doesn't mean I shouldn't change! What if I want to die a happy person? There must be a way.

If we decide to wipe our tears away with a tissue, throw it away. We shouldn't leave it as a memory.

Anyway, I want to be happier. I don't think I'm happy lately. I'll be happier if I can voice out my frustration here.

I'll use this blog for my drawings, singing and some lyrics posting. And also some small talks about music I love and be inspired from. I have lots of CDs! J-pop mostly. But even when I listen to music, I still don't know what I prefer or what I hate. I'm still looking.

This is a stairway to my dreams. I wonder what the world has in store for me?

I am a very negative person and I really wanna change. Is there such thing as FOREVER? I don't think so. Well, everyone will die. Sometimes before this, I wish I was dead. But it turned out that I'm scared of death.

I want to reach out to someone and save someone. Like how some singers saved me.

So, I will work hard for this. Even if I always give up on life, I would like to keep on going. Even if it ends in a way where....no.

This blog will be positive. Positive.

~Nathea~

*I chose the name Nathea because to me it's positive. It's the positive side of me...non-existent, really. LOL.